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When Linda Babcock asked why so many male graduate students were teaching their own courses and most female students were assigned as assistants, her dean said: "More men ask. The women just don't ask." It turns out that whether they want higher salaries or more help at home, women often find it hard to ask. Sometimes they don't know that change is possible--they don't know that they can ask. Sometimes they fear that asking may damage a relationship. And sometimes they don't ask because they've learned that society can react badly to women asserting their own needs and desires.
By looking at the barriers holding women back and the social forces constraining them, Women Don't Ask shows women how to reframe their interactions and more accurately evaluate their opportunities. It teaches them how to ask for what they want in ways that feel comfortable and possible, taking into account the impact of asking on their relationships. And it teaches all of us how to recognize the ways in which our institutions, child-rearing practices, and unspoken assumptions perpetuate inequalities--inequalities that are not only fundamentally unfair but also inefficient and economically unsound. With women's progress toward full economic and social equality stalled, women's lives becoming increasingly complex, and the structures of businesses changing, the ability to negotiate is no longer a luxury but a necessity.
Drawing on research in psychology, sociology, economics, and organizational behavior as well as dozens of interviews with men and women from all walks of life, Women Don't Ask is the first book to identify the dramatic difference between men and women in their propensity to negotiate for what they want. It tells women how to ask, and why they should.
- Sales Rank: #14864 in Audible
- Published on: 2012-09-19
- Format: Unabridged
- Original language: English
- Running time: 502 minutes
Most helpful customer reviews
50 of 52 people found the following review helpful.
Powerful!!
By D. Raymond
I read this book in almost one sitting. It has compelling factual data and riveting anecdotes. But, unlike Backlash, by Susan Faludi, which was almost totally negative, the authors also look at women's strengths in negotiation, and give some ideas for how to put their ideas into action.
It's not a how-to-negotiate book; I've spent the last 23 years practicing corporate law, negotiating sophisticated legal transactions and running an in-house department. This book goes beyond "how to" into "why". Essential reading for any woman!
34 of 38 people found the following review helpful.
Familiar, But Well-Supported
By Ruth Edlund
There isn't anything surprising in here to any woman who has been around the business world for a while. However, the book's real value is that it provides empirical evidence to support Everywoman's anecdotal observations.
What I found most useful about this book is evidence cited that women's "tend and befriend," cooperative approach to negotiation results in greater gains in the long run, in part because of women's ability to reframe. It also confirmed my impression that women are more successful in business when they soften their mode of delivery (although not their message).
The authors further reframe the scope of "negotiation" to include women's personal, including homemaking, lives, to remind us all that equality should not end at the thresholds to our homes.
Ultimately, every negotiator has to find his or her own personal style. This book made me feel just that much better about including lipstick and high heels in my arsenal.
20 of 22 people found the following review helpful.
Highly recommended
By Kathy Elliott, co-author "The Old Girls' Network"
This book is incredibly well-researched and thoughtfully laid out. It builds its case beautifully with interesting examples, then backs it up with empirical research. And credit to the authors' writing styles, for they do not point fingers or whine about the way things are. And they never fall into a dry style of writing. The book flows nicely, and is easy to read.
Most importantly, they shine a light on issues women have in asking for what they deserve and by laying out their case in such a well-articulated fashion, they help provide answers that we can all act upon and move forward with.
The issues that the book explores impact women across all facets of their life -- from negotiating child care responsibilites to getting the recognition and compensation they deserve on the job. As a co-author of the business book "The Old Girls' Network", I see these issues in evidence in how women buiness owners also negotiate -- for contracts, for customers, in how they price their products and reticence about charging appropriately. So, I would say this book has broad appeal to stay at home moms, women in corporate life and for the large contingent of female entrepreneurs. It is a must-have addition to all of our reading lists, and one that should bring positive results.
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